Singing Starstruck
by AddictionGoneAwry
Summary: "Two. That's two people that I love that have left me. We're were twins but I guess that didn't matter enough. He didn't love me enough." Yaoi, implied twincest. AU. Mpreg.
1. Chapter 1

Kay! My first Ouran fic! Contains: mentions of rape, yaoi, and more but I don't want to give it away. So without giving it away, I need help. Can someone suggest a name? A boy name? Please. Anyway, Enjoy!

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**Kaoru POV**

_I could feel his touch. His fingers running over my bare torso. An unpleasant shiver made it's way down my spine. He took it to mean something else completely. I shivered again as I felt his breath ghosting over my skin as he buried his face into the crook of my neck. 'this can't be happening!' The thought kept repeating itself, playing over an over in my head as his fingers traveled across my naked flesh._

_The digits made their way down my taut stomach, stopping at the hem of my boxers, the only clothes left on my trembling body. His fingers pulled on the waistband, finding their way under. I was barely aware of the tears making their way down my face._

_I didn't want this to happen and this person, this person who was stripping me of my virginity, something not even Hikaru had done, knew I didn't want this. They knew, yet they didn't stop. I saw more than felt them slipping off my boxers. I squeezed my eyes shut and felt the cold air stabbing at my newly exposed flesh. I could hear myself, begging him to stop, but he didn't listen, only laughed. I could feel him between my legs, at my entrance. He thrust forward and I felt like my insides were being ripped in two._

A scream tore it's way out of my throat as I bolted up, the cool blue covers pooling around my waist, shirt sticking to my back. A hand grabbed my shoulder and I screamed again. A groan came from beside me and the hand on my shoulder tried to pull me back. I screamed once again, trying to pull away, to no avail. The grip tightened and I was going to scream again when a pillow to the face made me stop abruptly.

"Kaoru~! Stop yelling and go back to bed." Hikaru grumbled from beside me. I let out a sigh of relief, realizing the hand belonged to only my brother. I lay back down and Hikaru wrapped his arms around me, drawing me closer to his chest. He buried his into the junction where my neck met my shoulder, his breath ghosting over my skin, bringing back my nightmare. I bolted upright, jumping out of bed, my back connecting with the wall.

"Kaoru? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing." I said walking to the bed opposite the one Hikaru was currently occupying. "just a nightmare." _I can't tell Hikaru. He'd hate me if he knew that I was tainted, impure, disgusting. _I crawled into the bed, curling myself under the covers.

"Are you sure?" his voice was thick with worry.

"Yeah. Fine. Goodnight." I whispered, turning my back on him, closing my and willing the nightmare not to return.


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay! Update! And I still don't own Ouran, though.**

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_**Hikaru POV**_

I woke up to the sound of Kaoru's screaming. I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him, only to be rewarded with another blood curdling scream. I groaned, attempting to pull him back onto the bed. He pulled away and I tightened my grip unconsciously. I could tell he was about to scream again so I found a pillow with my free hand and swung it in a broad arc, letting it connect with his face, shutting him up.

"Kaoru~" I groaned again "Stop yelling and go back to bed." I heard him sigh in what I could only describe as relief. He laid back and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. I buried my face into the crook of his neck and breathed in his very unique sent. I felt him tense up before he bolted out of bed. He was backed up against the wall before I even know what was happening.

"Kaoru, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing" he walked to the rarely used bed on the opposite side of the room of the one I was in. "Just a nightmare." I could see the worry etched onto his face. He crawled slowly into the bed, curling into a fetal position.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Fine. Goodnight." he whispered turning away from me. He fell into a fitful sleep long before I did. I laid in bed, watching him sleep. It must have taken me hours to fall asleep because when I woke up I was dead tired.

I just had finished getting dressed as Kaoru stepped out of the bathroom, fully clothed, steam billowing out behind him. That was like the fourth shower he had taken in the last 24 hours.

"Well, ready to go?"

"yeah, let's go" Kaoru walked out the door, knowing automatically that I would be following.

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**All right second chapter up! And I don't really have anything to say so I won't. Yeah, anyway review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Again, nothing to say. Um, yeah.**

**Disclaimer: still don't own anything.**

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**Kaoru POV**

I stretched my arms out, reaching for the warmth I was so accustomed to waking up beside. My hands searched the empty bed. My thoughts turned worried as my search came up empty-handed. _Where was Hikaru? What had happened? _I flicked open my sleep heavy lids, searching the room. My eyes fell upon a human shaped lump resting on Hikaru's bed and I sighed in relief before the guilt of changing beds came back to me.

I was probably making Hikaru sick with worry. I could never do anything right. I checked the alarm on my night stand. It was time to get ready for school. I kicked the covers off, standing up with a pillow in hand. Grabbing my usual uniform I made my way to the bathroom door. I stopped just before the door, turning back to Hikaru. I threw the pillow at him, aiming for his face. I'm pretty sure I missed though.

He started awake, sitting straight up. His eyes met mine. I watched the shock turn to mock anger.

"What was that for?"

I smirked at him before turning my back. I looked over my shoulder, smirk still in tact. "Payback" I stated simply, walking into our shared bathroom and shutting the door behind me. As soon as the door shut I leaned up against it heavily. I let out a shaky sigh, holding back the water fall of tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. I knew, had known since I first realized that I loved Hikaru as more than a brother, that he would never love me the same way. It only got worse when he started falling for Haruhi, and it didn't help that I couldn't hate her for it either. I wish I could, but I just can't hate her. I pulled myself from my thoughts, walking up to the shower.

I pulled the curtain aside, turning the water as hot as it would go. I stripped out of my pajamas, leaving them in a pile on the floor. I stepped under the steam of droplets, hissing as they burned my skin. I scrubbed my body until it was red and raw, I scrubbed myself again and again, but that dirty, used feeling that had been plaguing me since _IT_ had happened wouldn't leave me alone. I shut off the water, feeling defeated once again. I dried quickly and dressed in the standard male uniform. I unlocked the bathroom door, stepping out as steam* billowed out behind me.

I walked over to my twin, not missing the way he eyed me suspiciously.

"Well, ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's go" I said, forcing my voice to stay normal when all I really wanted to do was scream my head off. I walked out our bedroom door, starting down the stairs. I heard the familiar and comforting sound of Hikaru following behind me. His light footsteps and even breathing telling me I wasn't alone after all. Even if he didn't know what had happened he was still there for me. For now anyway. I couldn't shake the sinking feeling that things were going to change. I know he'll never feel the same way, but could he ever hate me? Most likely, if he ever found out.

I was gnawing my lip in worry as we climbed into the limo. I stared out the window as the suburban scenery flashed past, going faster and faster as each second passed. The air in the limo was becoming less and less, suffocating me. Killing me. My breaths came shallower, trying desperately to draw in more oxygen. I was sure I was gonna die, sure of it. Then a hand squeezed mine and I looked up into my brother's eyes. He smiled, reassuring me. I couldn't help but smile back.

Maybe, maybe everything would be alright. Or maybe it'll all turn to hell in the end.

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**Wow, this is turning out allot more angst than I initially thought, Hmm. **

*** Yeah, it's actually condensed water vapor, you can't see steam. I only know this because our science teacher yells at us if we call it steam. **

**Review! **


	4. Chapter 4

**First I really want to say thank you to everyone who actually **_**liked**_** this story enough to review. A big THANK YOU to: Deidara2216, devils address, lady Alexas, Bejeweled Lust, Ludmila-Chan, ILuvHikaruAndKaoru, ho0rselo0ver15, starchild51183, LionStar27, ANIMELOVER69, and death princess saya!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Yeah, sad.**

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_**Hikaru POV**_

I followed Kaoru down the stairs, and into the limo. He turned his head to watch out the window as we pulled onto the road. As the limo started to speed up, finally on the main road the sound of heavy breathing reached my ears. I turned my head, one way, then to the other. My eyes found Kaoru and I realized that it was him.

He looked like he was suffocating. I started to panic. _What's wrong with him? What's happening? No! _I told myself._ I have to be calm, for Kaoru's sake. _I looked back at Kaoru, who was still having his panic attack. My mind ran through all the possible things I could do, coming up with close to nothing. The only thing I could think to do was comfort him somehow, But how?

My eyes spied his hand lying on the seat between us and I put mine over his. I squeezed his hand in an attempt to reassure him. He looked up at me and I smiled the most reassuring smile I could muster. He smiled back after his breathing mellowed out and I took that as a good sign. I considered pulling my hand away but thought better of it. If this was as much contact as he would allow then I guess I should just enjoy it while it lasted.

The limo pulled to a stop in front of the school and I climbed out first, dragging the more reluctant Kaoru out too. It had been like this ever since he had disappeared for whole night over a month ago. It was obviously troubling him but he wouldn't tell **Anyone **about it. Not even me. We headed to our first class and took our seats. I spotted Haruhi and automatically started talking away to her. In retrospect it probably would have been a better idea to pay more attention to Kaoru right now.

I had seen that fact that Kaoru had instantly put his head on his desk as soon as he sat down, but didn't think anything of it. Not until the teacher asked. Kaoru looked up to the teacher, his eyes unfocused. Almost immediately after he looked up his hand flew to his mouth and his eyes widened. I guess the teacher knew what that meant as he rushed up to Kaoru, putting a trashcan in front of him just in time.

Kaoru vomited violently into the trashcan. After he was done the teacher had him stand up, with the trashcan, and asked if anyone would take him to the nurse. I stood up, stepping over to Kaoru and winding my arms around his shoulders. I lead him out of the classroom and down the hall to the nurse's office. He sat down on the little bed, the paper crinkling under him. The nurse asked what was wrong with him and I told her what happened since Kaoru didn't look up to speaking. Kaoru didn't say anything, not when she was questioning him, not when she asked me to leave, nothing.

Kaoru didn't show up again until after lunch and he looked a hell of a lot better if I do say so myself. He smiled as we asked if he was okay, just nodding his head. He even ate more than usual. He had been eating less than ever for the last month and a half but know it seems he had gotten his appetite back.

"Kaoru, are you gonna be okay to go to the host club today?" I asked looking at my twin as he continued to stuff food in his mouth. He swallowed what was in his mouth before answering.

"Of course Hikaru, I feel much better now." He said smiling at me. When he smiled at me it sent butterflies to my stomach. I quickly dismissed as being glad he was okay.

The rest of school went quickly and before I knew it the host club was already entertaining guests. The ladies sitting around us were looking expectantly, and I began our act for the day. I leaned in closer to Kaoru, whispering about all the things I was going to do to him when we got home, and waited for Kaoru to start his part. What I didn't expect was the foot in the gut I received. I watched, and so did everyone else, as Kaoru ran from the room. I was about to get up when Kyoya stopped me.

"What?" I snapped, anxious to see what was wrong with Kaoru.

"I think maybe someone else should talk to him, as it was you who sent him running out of the room in tears." I clenched my teeth as well as my fist as Tamaki nodded to Kyoya, walking out of the room to go comfort Kaoru. Tamaki was taking my job, and my brother and it didn't sit well with me. Tamaki would pay for this, it wasn't his concern, it was Kaoru's and he would tell someone when he was ready to.

So, that meant it wasn't mine either.

But it should have been. Kaoru was, after all, my brother.

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**Yay! Fourth chappie is done. I really don't like this chapter, but I had to get it outu of the way. *sigh* I wonder what Tamaki and Kaoru are talking about? Review to find out.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Man do I feel bad. I don't even know how long it's been since I updated. I'M SORRY! Anyway, story? Yes!**

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The limo pulled to a stop in front of the school. Another day of faking my way through the rest of my life. Sounds like fun, huh? Hikaru climbed out of the limo first reaching back in to literally drag me out behind him. I considered slipping out of the tie he had a hold of but thought better of it. I didn't want Hikaru to know and I could tell he was already suspicious.

Hikaru dropped my tie as we entered our first class. I saw the way his eyes lit up when he saw Haruhi. The way they did every time. The bile filling my stomach rose to my throat and I fought to keep it down. I almost, almost, lost it when he headed over too her, immediately chatting away as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

I put my head down on my desk, fighting the tears as well. Why couldn't Hikaru figure it out? On one hand I never, ever wanted him to figure it out but on the other, that was the only thing I wanted. I wanted him to tell me that everything would be okay. Wanted him to stroke my hair, the way I imagined he wanted to do to Haruhi, while whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Most of all though, I wanted him to love me the way I did him. Unconditionally and irrevocably. Through thick and thin, in sickness and in health and I'm going to stop before I end up depressing myself further.

I was still fighting, with the sick feeling in my stomach, the tears threatening to spill, and my heart, when the teacher walked in. I could feel his eyes on my skull. He asked if I was okay and I looked up, eyes unfocused. Big mistake. Almost immediately my hands flew to my mouth and I'm sure my eyes widened comically.

The teacher was excellent at his job even if none of us ever learned a thing. It didn't take him long to react. He sprung forward quickly and gracefully, placing the garbage can in front of me just before I nearly spilled my half-digested dinner on the girl in front of me.

When I was done barfing up my internal organs the teacher made me stand up, making sure I took the trash can with me. I know if I was him I sure as hell wouldn't want it back. He asked if anyone would take me to the nurse's office. Right away Hikaru stood up, walking up to me and winding his arm around my shoulder. Well it was good to know he cared, if only a little.

Hikaru and I walked down the hall, his arm around my shoulder was making me uncomfortable but I didn't show it. I had shown enough fear already I'm sure. We walked into the cramped little office, and I sat down on the mini-bed. The white paper crackling was already annoying the hell out of me. The old stout woman came bustling into the room asking what had happened. Probably on instinct. Hikaru looked sideways at me, giving me a quick once over before rambling out the story, apparently deciding I wasn't well enough to speak. He was right. I don't think I could have opened my mouth right now without vomiting all over the blue speckled carpet.

I didn't say anything the whole time I was in there. Not even when the nurse kicked Hikaru out. I thought he looked kind of hurt but I did my best to ignore it, passing it off as wishful thinking.

I spent the first half of the day in the nurse's office, throwing up harshly at first, but as time went on it lessened and I began to feel better. The nurse kept me until lunch anyway, just to make sure. So she said, I think it was more because she was lonely. Though I'm really not the best company.

I entered the dining hall, immediately finding Hikaru and Haruhi seated at our usual table. They both asked me if I was okay, though not exactly in tune. I nodded my head, sitting down with my tray full of food. I dug in ravenously, stuffing as much into my mouth as I could. Did I mention how hungry I was before? No? Well now you know.

"Kaoru, are you gonna be okay to go to the Host Club today?" Hikaru asked, looking at me cautiously, as if I might throw up again. I swallowed the food still left in my mouth before answering.

"Of course Hikaru, I feel much better now" and it was true, I did feel so much better.

School past by in an indefinable blur. One class blended into the next and the next and the last class blended into the host club. I don't know what happened really, I was sitting on one of the many couches in the Host Club, Hikaru was right beside me and the girls around us were looking on expectantly. If you asked me right now what happened I couldn't tell you. I guess I panicked but over what I don't know. It was a daily thing after all, our "brotherly love act". No big deal. Though now that I really think about I can't remember having to do it since 'IT' had happened.

All I really know is one minute I was sitting beside Hikaru; he was whispering something to me though I really wasn't paying attention. Next minute, I was bolting out of the room and Hikaru was doubled over in pain, clutching his stomach.

I ran straight into the next room, slamming the door as I went, hoping no one was following me. I sat down on one of the fluffy, over stuffed chairs and tried to calm my breathing. It wasn't working and sitting down wasn't something I could do at the moment. I stood back up, dragging my new school shoes along the carpet as I went, scuffing them. No doubt our personal maid would berate me. These were expensive shoes, not that it really mattered. We were filthy rich after all.

The door at the front of the room opened, revealing a blonde haired violet-eyed boy standing there. He strolled in, not wasting anytime dawdling. He was standing in front of me, staring down at me. His eyes questioning and relentless but at the same time soft and somewhat understanding. He placed his hands on his hips, and I looked down to my feet, not able to look him in the eyes any longer. Not when I had so many secrets that had to stay secret.

I moved back a few steps, and he moved with me. We played this game a couple times until I ended up stumbling into the chair I had previously occupied just moments before.

"Kaoru, please tell me what's wrong." Tamaki said, "I want to help"

I shook my head no, side to side furiously, he didn't want to help. I really had to be careful or I would end up giving myself a headache. Tamaki asked again and again I shook my head no. this game too we played, a few times back and forth, until he apparently gave up.

"Please tell me Kaoru. I really want to help you but I can't do that if I don't know what's wrong!" Tamaki plead, kneeling in front of the chair I was sitting on. My legs were drawn up to my chest my arms wrapped securely around my legs. I had my face buried in my knees, trying to drown out the world around me. Though Tamaki apparently didn't like to be ignored. He had tried several times now to get my attention and I had ignored each one.

"Is this about Hikaru?" My head snapped up, my eyes meeting purple orbs. I shook my head no, wishing not for the first time that I could vanish. Fall into nothingness. Forever blended with the tainted black back round. Because that's all I am any more, tainted. Tamaki muttered something about Hikaru and I panicked. He headed for the door, muttering as he went. I lunged forward, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back. He stumbled as I pulled him, tripping into me. We ended up on the ground, Tamaki sprawled on top of me, straddling my waist, his hands on either side of my head. No this wasn't awkward at all. I thought I heard a gasp, from the direction of the door, but I passed it off simply as my own over-active paranoia. I felt my cheeks grow hot as I looked back up at him. He was glancing down at me, is violet irises dancing with curiosity. I stumbled and stuttered over my words, trying to think of a valid excuse. Nothing came to mind. Except, of course, Hikaru.

"P-please boss, d-don't blame Hikaru." I hated the way my voice sounded, so weak and hollow. My limp, greasy hair kept falling into my eyes and I had stopped bothering to brush it back a long time ago.

A knowing look passed through Tamaki's eyes and I couldn't make myself meet his gaze any longer. He placed his index and middle fingers under my chin and I flinched at the contact. It seemed to me that everyone and everything was determined to make me relive that night over and over as I slowly lost my sanity. Day after day of bottling up those emotions and fears that haunted me day and night, limiting me to being nothing more than a mere hollow shell of the person I once was. Hmmm, I probably shouldn't think this much. Not good for your health, ya know?

Tamaki turned my face back towards him. Delicately, gently as if I could break at the slightest touch, the way he did with so many of his adoring fan girls. The same but so utterly different. His actions the same but the meanings different. There was no romance, no flirting in his actions. This was merely a friend helping a friend.

"Tell me Kaoru, please. What's wrong?" And the flood gates burst. I couldn't help it anymore, couldn't keep my fears and worries and weights to myself. I sprang forward from my place on the ground, wrapping my arms around his neck, clasping my hands together to stop their shaking. Now I was on top, our previous positions switched. I buried my face into his neck, completely failing to stifle the sobs ripping there way through my chest. My whole body was shaking and I felt like a fool. Tamaki's arms wound their way around my waist pulling me closer. Letting me cry my eyes out on his shoulder, practically ruining his shirt. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried for what I guessed to be about ten minutes. When I finally started calming down, my sobs coming less and less. I picked my head up, looking to Tamaki. He smiled at me, pushing up from the ground. I flushed bright red and scrambled up, realizing only then how long I had been lying on him. He laughed, a sweet, melodic sound, pulling me back into his embrace. He rested his chin on my head when I was seated between his legs.

"Are you ready to tell me now?" Tamaki asked, his voice was full of concern, laced with other emotions too. Curiosity, friendship? Love?

I ignored my last thought, focusing instead on his question. I nodded my head but averting my eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out. I could feel Tamaki's eyes on me and I panicked. I tried to force the words out but all that came out was a strangled croak. I didn't want Tamaki to think I didn't trust him. He was the only one I could trust. I knew it was selfish but I needed him right now.

I struggled again, not being able to find my breath. I wanted to tell him now, to get it out. He placed a hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles. I sobbed again but this time my pitiful, broken sobs turned into pitiful, broken words.

"H-he, oh god Tamaki, he raped me!" I sobbed louder than ever and they only got louder as Tamaki's body tensed under mine. I went to get up, to leave. He grabbed my wrist but this time he didn't pull me down to him. Instead he stood up. He walked forward and I went back, initiating our previous game. It went on until I ended up in that same damned chair! Tamaki planted his hands firmly on the arm rests, trapping me. His eyes were hard and cold, perfect amethysts.

"Who?" his voice was just as cold as his eyes. All my previous fears came tumbling back, pounding me with wave after wave of insecurity and uncertainty. It was like I wasn't even myself anymore. I cringed away from Tamaki, away from the club, away from the world and away from the person who started this whole thing, myself. Immediately Tamaki's eyes softened, melted. He reached forward slowly, carefully wrapping me in a hug. Carefully as if I was porcelain doll.

"I'm sorry" it was just a whisper, but it rang over and over in my ear, ricocheting in my head. I had fight hard to control my sudden impulse to run away, lock myself forever in a closet and hope for a quick and merciful death.

I didn't run, but I didn't hug him back either. I couldn't. Tamaki pulled back, staring at me, searching, his hands gripping lightly at my shoulders, giving me no escape from the question I dreaded most.

"Does Hikaru know?" hi voice was full of warmth now, friendly again but I couldn't help but be cautious anyway. I shook my head no, sadly. Of course he had dropped his previous question of 'who'. He knew I wasn't up to answering, but I wanted to answer this one even less.

"Don't tell" I croaked, noticing only now just how hoarse my voice had gotten. My gut twisted painfully at the disappointment that flashed across his face. Though it was gone as quickly as it had come that didn't stop the painful churning in my stomach.

He must've seen the pain projected in my expression because I was once again wrapped in the warm embrace Tamaki possessed. He smelled faintly of vanilla, which was normal. What was different was the faint minty scent that seemed hug to him. The same way Kyoya usually smelled. Not that I went around smelling people of course. That would just be weird. My mind didn't want to let go of the question of 'why Tamaki smelled like Kyoya'

"I won't tell" Tamaki whispered, pulling me from my thoughts. He pulled away from me, smiling his famous kingly smile.

"Ready to go?" He asked, offering me his arm. I nodded, not trusting myself to talk and took his arm. A faint, almost smile played across my lips. It was good. It was a start, it may not have been a full blown smile but it was real. It wasn't fake like so many of the others I had been forcing for the past month-and-a-half.

After all, I had someone to really depend on now. Someone who knew my secret, to share my burden. I wasn't at all naïve in this respect, I knew it wouldn't last long, that it was far from over but right now I simply didn't care. For the first time in weeks, I felt light.

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**Longest. Chapter. Yet. I know this is still way over due but hope it helps some. 2656 words, the longest chapter I've ever written but not nearly as long as some I read. Even though it's a pain to type I kinda hope all the chapters will be this long if not longer. It's a good dream anyway. Oh yeah I almost forgot. Disclaimer: Don't own it.**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not the songs, not the anime or its characters… TT-TT. So sad. To the story!

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**A couple of minutes. That's how long Kaoru and Tamaki had been gone and already the wait was driving me insane. This not knowing was killing me, from the inside out. Kaoru and I had been together even before we were born. We're always together and being away from him and in the dark about what's happening with him and that blonde haired baka was getting increasingly uncomfortable.**

**I can tell something's wrong that he won't tell me about. I mean we're twins for God's sake. Whatever bit of normal relationship we have left is hanging by a thread. A single, flimsy piece of thread that's ready to snap at the slightest wrong move, the slightest misstep. And I'm afraid… I'm afraid that by asking questions I could up snapping the little bit of bond still tying us together. Maybe it's for selfish reasons but I never, ever want to lose Kaoru. Life would more than suck without him.**

**Maybe I wouldn't ask questions but that didn't mean that I couldn't eavesdrop. Everyone was busy so there was no one to stop me. A strange, almost foreboding feeling bubbled up in my throat at the thought of spying on Kaoru and Tamaki's private discussion. I sighed, pushing away the feeling of unease, standing up from the couch. I walked through the room quickly. Past the other club members, the guests and the paintings with eyes that seemed to be watching me. I headed for the door Tamaki and Kaoru had taken, subconsciously preparing for the worst.**

**I found the door with little trouble and to make my, uh, 'mission', even easier it was cracked open. I put my face as close to the expensive wood as I could with out actually touching it. I got a clear view of Tamaki kneeling in front of one of the many armchairs. The same one Kaoru was occupying. Kaoru, who had his head down, as if he was trying to block out the world. Heh, he probably was.**

**Tamaki said something, but he was too far away for me too hear properly. I did however see the way Kaoru head snapped up almost violently, as if he had been electrocuted. Tamaki stood up from his position of the floor, heading for the door and I stumbled back, falling flat on my ass. I could still see, well enough anyway to know that Tamaki was no longer heading for the door but instead sprawled on the floor, or rather sprawled on something on the floor.**

**I wanted to laugh, it was so funny. I had to hold in my laugh, pressing my hand tight against my mouth. The laugh died my on my lips though when I noticed 'who' exactly Tamaki was know straddling. Kaoru was laying on the floor under Tamaki; his face was turning a brilliant scarlet. I gasped, the total shock of seeing my **_**'younger brother' **_**in such a position seemed to haze over my mind, brutally killing the part of my brained that screamed at me to look at this rationally. I don't know what's wrong with Kaoru. I don't know what's going on with him and Tamaki and I don't know why he didn't want to tell me any of it. All I did know right now is that I didn't want to think about this right now.**

**I stumbled down several flights of stairs, pushing my way past late leaving students and teachers, leaving in my wake a trail of bewildered looks. I didn't care about them, or the tears blurring my vision, or the way lungs burned, unable to get enough oxygen. I was more then light-headed when I finally pushed my way through the giant front doors.**

**I didn't even bother to call a limo, I didn't even think about it. I just ran. I ran all the way home. Back to where Kaoru and I spent most of our time. I ran up the stairs, past our room, swung a left, another left, and then a right. There before me, the only room in the hall. **

**A plain wood door, beyond which was exactly what I needed know. I pushed the door open; almost saddened that it wasn't more of a challenge. I strolled inside, just as casually as if I were walking into Kaoru's and my bedroom. The only thing that lay in this dust covered alien world was a row of dark, mahogany cabinets. **

**The cabinets, stretched all the way around the room, stopping to give just enough room to the door. I walked purposefully, importantly to the one directly across from me, roughly swinging the doors open, giving no concern to who might see me. I didn't care right now. All that mattered to me was the heavenly drink that could erase my problems in no time. I grabbed a bottle, the cool glass felt fantastic against my to hot skin.**

**I didn't give enough thought to check what kind of alcohol it was. I tore off the cap, downing maybe about half the continents. It burned my throat on the way down, and I fought hard against the cough trying to claw .it's way up my throat. My mind seemed to get even foggier and I brought the bottle to my lips again. I don't know how long this went on. I went through bottle after bottle and maybe threw up once. I don't know, I wasn't counting. **

**I woke up to the sound of footsteps, lots of them. My lips quirked into a smile. It was funny 'cause I didn't even remember falling asleep. The door to the alcohol cellar, as my mom like to call it, creaked open. The sound grated against my eardrums, alerting me to the killer headache pounding against my skull. I looked up at the intruder. One of our maids. **

**I considered cussing her out but she ran out before I could make my decision. I laid my head back down and a truly fouls smell invaded my nose. I gagged. I was laying in puddle of my own vomit. I almost lost what little that was left in my stomach but the footsteps grabbed my attention. It better be that damned maid, she has a mess to clean up in here.**

**It was the maid, and I was going to tell her to clean this crap up but she didn't give me the chance. **

"**He's in here master Kaoru" she called. **

**Kaoru, I remembered him. That cheating brother! He was the reason my head was hurting so much. He's the reason my heart was in two pieces. Everything bad in my life is his fault. Damn him!**

"**Hikaru! Hikaru are you okay?" I glared at him. He cringed before glaring right back. He lost the glare though as he nosed wrinkled in distaste. I lost my glare too, watching in drunken fascination as he nosed scrunched and unscratched.**

"**You smell!" he exclaimed and we both laughed. I was apprehensive. I had drank my weight, maybe more in our mother's alcohol. He should have been out for blood. My blood.**

"**Come on, let's get you cleaned up" he said, tugging on my arms, stray giggles escaping him every few seconds.**

**Thirty minutes and one extremely needed shower later, Kaoru was sitting with me on our bed. He wasn't asking questions, wasn't glaring, and wasn't yelling. It was nice. Right now, everything felt right again. Things had felt wrong for awhile but it looked now like they were good again. **

**Things were good again, so of course my fogged up mind decided it would be a good time to ruin it. I wish I knew what it was that prompted me to lean in. to press my chapped lips to Kaoru's all too soft ones. I don't know why Kaoru pushed me away. So what, he'd kiss Tamaki but not me! I thought he loved me! It was pretty obvious, even to me. **

"**Hikaru! What are you doing?" He yelled, twisting away from me. Well I really couldn't have that, could I? I buried my finger in his soft locks, tugging harshly, drawing a pained yelp from his pretty pink lips. **

"**What's the problem Kaoru? I thought you loved me?" I tugged harder.**

"**Ow! Of course, you're my brother!"**

"**No! Not like that! As more than brothers Kaoru! You should know! You've had at least a lover or two right?" I growled, tugging again. **

"**What? What are you talking about?"**

"**Oh come on Kaoru, don't play innocent with me. I know you're not a virgin anymore, are you?" I took his chin between my thumb and forefinger, forcing him to look at me. "Tell me Kaoru"**

"**y-yes" Kaoru's eyes were tearing up. I didn't care though. He had to know just how angry I was with him.**

"**How come you never told me?" I spat, not letting him look away.**

"**I thought you'd be mad" He was crying now.**

"**You're right, I'm pissed! You're such a slut Kaoru!" his crying stopped, he was looking at me now, his eyes betraying his bewilderment.**

"**What's your problem Hikaru?" He spat, pulling as hard as he could away from me. **

"**You! Kaoru you're my problem! You can't make up your damn mind. I hate you right now. You went and gave away your virginity to that bastard. You didn't even tell me. I'm your brother, your twin and you didn't even tell me! I wish more than anything that I was only child. Maybe, without you here, my life wouldn't be so fucked up!" **

**I was breathing heavy and Kaoru's tears were back.**

"**Fine Hikaru, if you want to be an only child then I guess you'll get your wish. Bye!" He pulled all the way out of my grasp, storming to the door. He slammed it on the way out and I could hear his light footfalls all the way down the hall, the front door opening and closing as he left the mansion.**

**I fell back on the bed, wriggling under the sheets. I closed my eyes, sleep taking me quicker than I expected. Tomorrow I would regret ever asking, ever calling him those awful names. Tomorrow, after he was long gone, I would regret not stopping him but right now, I just couldn't make myself care.**

* * *

**Done! Sorry 'bout the time skips and the late update but… review? Please? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks lots for all the reviews. I love getting them so much. Also I'm so sorry for the long waits for updates but I can't really help it, sometimes life gets in the way but I will try my best to update more. By da way, Renge, not the manager of the Host Club, but she is in the story!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! :'(**

**Kaoru POV**

I walked back into the third music room, my head held a little higher, ready to entertain, maybe even looking forward to it. My face fell when I entered the vacant room. To be honest, I was a little disappointed when I found the room to be empty.

All the guests were gone. The hosts gathered around a single table. Mori sitting next Hunny, naturally, his arm slung around the younger boys shoulders protectively, while the little blonde munched on some cake. Kyoya sat on the other side of Mori, scribbling profusely into his notebook. Haruhi was sitting on the ground, multiple books spread out in front of her, pencils and papers littered the floor around her.

The only thing missing was a certain twin. Where was Hikaru? Tamaki squeezed my shoulder encouragingly. I took a deep breath, looking through the other hosts before clearing my throat.

They all looked up at me, and I breathed deeply again. I looked from face to face, starting with innocent, curious Hunny to cold, analytical Kyoya. I focused there, meeting the dark eyes of the host clubs very own shadow king.

I cleared my throat again, twiddling my thumbs out of nervousness. I forced the feeling down, asking the question that had bothered my mind since I had walked in.

"Hika-chan went home already" Hunny informed me, playing with the bunny in his lap, Mori nodding beside him.

"Why, what did he say?"

Hunny shrugged and I looked to Haruhi for the answer. "He didn't say anything. He ran past before we could ask him what was wrong. He seemed really upset."

"About what?"

"Don't know, he went to see you and Tamaki. He was trying to be sneaky about. Didn't do a very good job, half the room watched him leave"

My eyes went wide as realization hit me, hard. Like the dark obsidian rock that made up Kyoya's eyes. Hikaru had heard my whole talk with Tamaki. He knew, he knew and now he hated me.

My knees gave out and I landed hard on the carpeted floor. I didn't hear Tamaki calling my name, couldn't see the looks of concern on my friends faces. I felt like puking, tremors rocking my body. The tears burning behind my eyes spilled over, but I made no move to wipe them away instead just letting them fall. I felt so pathetic as the trembling of my body increased. My whole world was crumbling around me and all I could was sit here and shake.

Warm hands pulled me from my position on the ground, up into a warm embrace and I realized it was Tamaki. He was pressing me close to him, whispering calming words in my ear, but I was far from being calm.

It wasn't fair, not in the least. The one time I felt safe enough to open up to anyone, Hikaru suddenly had to frikin' care. I think I screamed then, pushing myself violently away from Tamaki's embrace.

I had to set things straight. I had to tell Hikaru exactly what happened, maybe he would understand. Or maybe he wouldn't. A thousand scenarios of rejection raced through my mind as I ran from the third music room, down hallways and stairs, finally ended up outside to find the usual limo waiting.

The ride was a blur, the only clear scene being that of our estate as the driver pulled up. I flung my door open even before the limo really stopped, racing into the house slamming the front door in my wake. I bolted up the stairs, swinging a sharp left and heading for the room at the end of the hall. I burst through the door, my eyes scanning the area quickly.

Panic gripped my insides as I realized that Hikaru wasn't in our room. I couldn't think of what to do next. He could be anywhere in this whole god damned house. I couldn't check it all by myself. But, maybe I wouldn't have to.

I inhaled sharply, filling my lungs as full as they would go and screamed. I could hear my screams echo down the halls, and the quick foot steps of people running to see what was wrong. Several maids and butlers entered the room before I even stopped screaming. My yell was cut short as a heavy hand grabbed my shoulder. I flinched away, turning to look at the person who had touched me.

It was one of are older butlers. One of the best, I think. He was always polite but he didn't take any crap either. He was a good man. I had no reason to be afraid of him, but I was. I really didn't want to be, but I couldn't help it. Not after….after _That._ I could barely tolerate my own twin's touch, anybody else was definitely not acceptable.

I turned back to the rest of maids and butlers, pushing the feeling of unease to the back of my mind.

"Listen up! I wanna know where Hikaru is and I want to know fast. Check every room in this house and when you find him you tell me." I peered around at the faces of our help. A few of them were nodding, most were looking at me as if I had lost it. I really wasn't one to give orders, that was Hikaru's job. But I didn't care, I needed to find Hikaru. Now.

I glared at the figures still standing in front of me, hoping they would get the message to start moving. They didn't. I guess I would have to tell them.

"Get moving!" I yelled, shooing them out. They stumbled over their feet and probably each other to get out. I sighed, waiting for the crowd to clear before bolting out of the room to check any room not being inspected.

WHATAREYOUDOINGDON'TREADTHISGETBACKTOTHESTORY!

I had only been searching for a few minutes before a few maids came tumbling into the hall I was searching.

"Master Kaoru!" one of the maids gasped, clutching her friends for support " I've found Master Hikaru" My eyes bugged at this new information and I ran from the room only to have to go back when I remembered I didn't know where Hikaru was. One expecting look and the maid was rushing ahead of me. We made several turns, stopping at a room I had never been to before. The maid pushed the heavy wood door open, stepping in before me. She called something back but I paid her no mind. I only wanted to see Hikaru.

I entered, my eyes falling upon the figure sprawled on the floor. It was Hikaru. And he was laying in his own vomit. Eww.

"Hikaru! Hikaru, are you okay?" He glared at me. I flinched. It occurred to me that probably had a hangover and I should probably be quite. Then again, he wouldn't have hangover if he hadn't been drinking. Idiot deserved it. I glared back at him.

My glared faded as his smell hit my nose. I scrunched my nose in distaste. He dropped his glare too, as he watched my face intently. I don't know why but I felt the sudden urge to tell him what exactly on my mind. Hmm, maybe his drunkenness was rubbing off on me.

"You smell" I almost-not-really whispered. We both laughed at this. I don't know why, I felt like I should have been angry. I should have been, but I wasn't. Maybe it was because I wanted to spend what little time I had left with my brother happy(It was inevitable, my leaving. I knew that. Now that Hikaru knew I couldn't stay) or maybe I was just an idiot. Who really knows.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up" I giggled. Actually giggled. Yeah, Hikaru's drunkenness really was rubbing of on me.

HELLOSTORYTIME!READIT!READIT!READIT!READIT!READIT!

I was sitting next to Hikaru on the bed(mine or his, I couldn't tell). I had spent the whole thirty minutes Hikaru was in the shower dreading the impending conversation. For now it seems as though everything was alright. That is, until, Hikaru just had to ruin it.

Not that I didn't like the feel of his cool, chapped lips on my own. Rough and demanding and so, so sexy, but still wrong. Hikaru wasn't thinking clearly and I didn't want it like this. It scared me, how many unpleasant memories this one simple action brought forth.

I pushed him back, looking into his hazy, clouded eyes. That expression wasn't one I liked to see. An expression of pure lust. So much like his. I didn't like it.

"Hikaru! What are you doing!" I tried to move away but the fingers buried in my hair, pulling harshly at my sensitive roots, said otherwise. I yelped, the pain swarming my senses.

"What's the problem Kaoru? I thought you loved me?" Hikaru asked, accentuating his somewhat angry tone with another sharp tug at my hair. What was wrong with Hikaru, why was he acting like this. It took me a minute to catch my breath sufficiently enough to answer.

"Ow! Of course Hikaru, you're my brother."

"No! Not like that Kaoru! You should know! You've had at least a lover or two, right?" he tugged my hair again, I could feel some strands coming loose.

"What! What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on Kaoru, don't play innocent with me. I know you're not a virgin anymore, are you?" he was now holding my chin, it was impossible to look away. "Tell me Kaoru" he hissed.

"Y-yes" I whimpered, hating how weak I sounded but being able to do nothing about it. My eyes were stinging as I held in the tears, refusing to look any weaker.

"How come you never told me!" He spat.

"I thought you'd be mad" I was crying, fat drops of salt water rolling freely down my cheeks.

"You're right, I'm pissed! You're such a slut Kaoru!" my tears dried quickly, shock taking over, quickly burning into anger.

"What's your problem Hikaru?" I spat, getting tired of his games now.

"You! Kaoru you're my problem! You can't make up your damn mind! I hate you right now! You went and gave away your virginity to that bastard! You didn't even tell me! I'm your brother, your twin and you didn't even tell me. I wish more than anything that I was an only child! Maybe, without you here, my life wouldn't be so fucked up!"

Hikaru was panting heavily and the tears were stinging my cheeks again.

"Fine Hikaru, if you want to be an only child then I guess you'll get your wish. Bye!" I hissed, pulling all the way out of Hikaru's arm, storming to the door slamming it on the way out. I raced down the hall, making it to the front door in record time. I opened the door hastily, fumbling with the handle, dashing out as soon as it was open, not caring if it closed behind me or not. I didn't live there anymore.

I didn't live there anymore. I was by myself, no brother, no friends. No home and no clothes. I had nothing. Nothing. The fact registered in my mind, weakening my knees and my resolve. I was tempted to go back try and work things out with Hikaru but I knew I couldn't. After all Hikaru wanted to be an only child. Why deny him his wish?

I kept my feet, heavy as lead now, moving. I had to keep going, there was no place for me here anymore. I trudged on, the darkening night swallowing me as I walked farther and farther into my new life. Maybe for the best.

**Chapter over, kill me now. I'm such a bad author. Keeping you all waiting for ages and then giving you this crappy chappie! Heh, that rhymed! I'm tired. Review for quicker updates! Maybe. Depends.**


	8. Chapter 8

**So guess what, I'm really really sorry for not updating in forever and I'm not going to make excuses. I should have wrote this earlier but I didn't and I'm really sorry. Forgive me? If it makes you guys feel ant better I still don't own.**

**Hikaru pov**

I woke up to the wretched sun shining way too bright in my face. My hangover still pounding against my skull, ringing in my ears. I groaned rolling over and smushing the pillow down over my face, trying to block out the bright light filtering through gaps in the heavy blue curtains.

When that didn't work I reached forward blindly, grasping at warmth that wasn't there. My eyes cracked open reluctantly, and I finally noticed the freezing feeling lingering in my bedroom.

Why was that? Something was missing, but what exactly? I couldn't put my finger on it but that empty feeling in my heart told me something was definitely missing. Damn hangover.

I kicked the cotton sheets from around myself, deciding not worry about it now. Pushing myself up to sit on the edge of the bed, placing my feet delicately on the cold floor, shuddering when the sensitive skin made contact with the hard wood. I stood up quickly sitting back down just as quickly when a dizzy spell overtook me. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, tangling my fingers in my matted hair, waiting for it to pass.

When it did I stood again, slowly this time, making my way to the shower keeping a hand on the wall at all times, incase the dizziness decided to come back. My feet dragged heavily and my head felt as if it was filled with cotton but I trudged on, cursing loudly when my foot hit the wardrobe. What the hell did we even need a wardrobe for? We had a damn closet. My foot throbbed painfully as I began walking again. This early in the morning and already it just wasn't my day. Great.

When my searching hands finally found the wood of the door and then the freezing metal of the door handle I stopped. The metal felt good against my too hot hands. I was reluctantly to let go of the cool metal that was keeping me from melting. Somewhere in my alcohol hazed mind, somewhere deeply buried right now, I knew this wasn't true but right now I didn't care. I tightened my grip briefly before loosening it again.

The slight ringing in my ears that had been present since I had first woken up was getting increasingly worse bringing with it crashing waves of pain. I shook my head, nearly desperate to get rid of the pain overwhelming my senses. Wrong move.

I leaned heavily on the dark wooded door as the pain got even worse. My eyes squeezed shut again, the black behind my eyelids filled with sickeningly bright spots of color. My free hand came up to rub at my temple trying to rub away the pain. No use.

So I waited it out, trying to remember why the hell I had gotten drunk in the first place. No matter what I tried though my fucked up mind refused to give me any clues, the answer lingering just outside my mental grasp. When the pain finally subsided I sighed in relief and pushed open the door, locking it behind me. Shedding my clothes on the way to the shower, minding my head so as not to bring on another bout of pain.

When I made it to the shower, I turned the knob to hot. As hot as it would go. Shedding the remaining clothes that clung to my sore, sleep ridden body I stepped under the hot spray letting it scald my ashen skin an bright pink color. I moved my head under the spray, working water, then shampoo and finally conditioner through my matted red locks. When I had finished rinsing the soap from my hair I turned the knob, stepping out on to the cold tile ground.

It took me all of ten minutes to dry off and get dressed. Heading down stairs I caught several looks from maids and butlers a like, snatches of conversations they were whispering behind their hands, though I heard nothing I could make any sense of.

I brushed off the feeling of unease lingering at the back of my mind, heading downstairs and into the kitchen. I brushed past our cooks who asked me what I wanted for breakfast. Completely ignoring their questions I made my way to the fridge. I could feel their stares digging into my back as I rummaged through the contents of the fridge. Did everyone in this house know something I didn't?

Finding nothing that seemed edible to my liking, I slammed the door heading outside to the limo, feeling the eyes of all the workers follow me out. I guess I'd be a little early to school today. Climbing into the back of the limo and slamming the door behind me I got another weird look from the driver.

"What? Don't just sit there, drive!" I snapped. The old driver shook his head slightly before turning back around.

"Yes Master Hitachiin"

I was the first in class, the only one. Slumped in my seat, my head hung back as I waited for everyone else to show up. It felt hours before the other students finally started to trickle in, little clumps of giggling girls here, a exuberantly chattering guy or two there, until the entire class was in, now just waiting for the teacher. I could feel all there eyes on me and it made my blood boil. How they acted as if I didn't know they were watching me.

Haruhi was in her usual seat beside me and even she was looking at me as if I had grown another head.

"What?" I hissed, tired of the god damned stares everyone was giving me today.

"Hikaru, wher-" she was cut off as the teacher walked in, telling everyone to shut up and pay attention. I could still feel some of the eyes on me, though most were now turned toward the board, and sighed. I caught glimpses of Haruhi looking at me worriedly the whole class. Today was going to be a long day.

Contrary to what I believed the rest of the day seemed to fly by. By the end of the day I was so sick of the whispers and stares that I considered going home and skipping the host club, though I dropped that idea when a smirking image of Kyoya, his ever present little black book in hand, made it's way into my head.

I shuddered at the thought of making the shadow king angry. Everyone knows only Tamaki can ever get away with that. I made my way to the third music room, head swimming with thoughts of Kyoya's little black book. I still hadn't come up with an answer for what exactly it contained when I reached the club room. Judging by the noise coming from inside I was late. Perfect.

I pushed open the heavy wooden doors, the room falling deathly silent as I stepped inside, the door swing shut behind me with a dull thud. I ignored everyone's stares as I made my way to my usual couch, sitting down with a completely fake smile plastered across my face.

I waited for the three girls across from me to kick off the conversation. They didn't. instead they looked at each other their glances shifting from confused to worried as I kept smiling happily at them. I could feel the entire room staring at us and it was starting to really get on my nerves. What the hell was wrong with every one today?

"Something wrong ladies?" I ground out, my voice stiff. I really hate people today. Their all getting on my last nerve. The glanced at each other again, looking unsure of what to say. They could just say no and then we could all get on with our lives but, of course, we all know things never go that smoothly.

I could feel the air in the room thicken and an uneasy hush settled over the room. My smile faltered, gaze turning to ice as I glared at the girls, demanding they speak. They flinched, drawing back into the couch and I heard somebody walk up behind me. I turned my glare on them. It was Tamaki. He settled a hand on my shoulder, which I quickly and somewhat angrily shrugged off before return my gaze to the three ladies on the seat opposite me.

"Well?" I asked, my voice harsh.

One of learned forward a bit, urged on by her friends. The petite brunette was trembling, looking to her friends for support. They nodded her on and she turned back to me.

"H-hikaru?" she questioned hesitantly, her voice shaking as much as she was.

"Yes" I drawled, wishing she would hurry the hell up and quit stuttering.

"H-hikaru. W-w-where's K-kaoru?"

I winced at the question, pain flooding my mind at the name. why did that name seem so god damned familiar? I forced a smile back onto my face, pushing away the unease clawing it's way up my throat. I softened my gaze, meeting her eyes.

"I'm sorry, who?"


	9. Chapter 9

'**Kay, 3 things. 1. Sorry for the long wait, I am a really bad procrastinator. 2. Don't kill me. 3. I don't own Ouran.**

I kept walking all night, my shoes scuffing as I dragged them across the pavement. I don't know exactly how far or how long I walked but the sun was just starting to rise as I slumped against a dirty alley wall in what I assumed to be the commoner part of town.

My swollen feet throbbing in protest to the harsh treatment as I leaned heavily against the wall, sliding down it, my uniform jacket sliding up my back. I shivered against the early morning chill, drawing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms securely around them.

I buried my face in my knees, my eyelids drooping heavily. I fought off the sleep for as long as I could, my mind wandering to other things as I drifted off into what was sure to be another dreamless sleep.

_T_TT_TT_T_TT_TT_T_T_T_TTT_T_T_T_

"_Please. Please!" the begging turned into a pleasured moan as pale hands worked their way down my flesh. A shiver crawled it's way down my spine as his deft hands continued to work my body. I heard his deep chuckle from above as I continued to moan, maybe playing it up just a bit, but for good reasons._

_I needed this and if I didn't give him reason to believe I wanted it as well then he wouldn't be here. He had to believe I wanted this. There wasn't any other way. I did feel just a little bad about using him like this but I had to get him off my mind and if this was the only way to do it, well then conscience be damned!_

_I once again became aware of the cool fingers slowly sliding their way down my stomach before finding my boxers and another pang of guilt coursed through me, tears slipping from behind closed eyelids. It wasn't right, using him like this. I could feel my stomach twist into knots. A sick feeling settling into the pit but I couldn't stop this, I wouldn't stop this. Not now._

_I felt the cold air stab at my too hot skin. I begged him to go faster and he chuckled, some mumbled words slipping past his lips, words I didn't care enough to remember. He brought his fingers to his mouth and I caught his hand before he could do anything more._

_I growled a low no and when he opened his mouth to argue I brought my gaze up to him glaring with all I had. The first time and I had looked at him this whole time. I felt my gut churn and looked away quickly. Not because he wasn't good looking, oh no, he was absolutely gorgeous but because I knew that this was completely wrong. He replaced his hands on my hips and he was at my entrance. I waited for the pain to come and when it didn't I looked back to him. Only it wasn't him, it was Hikaru._

_An evil grin curled his perfect lips as I watched him. His hands left my hips, instead finding placement on my shoulders. A string of nasty words left his lips as he shook me. Words directed at me. He shook me again, his words not registering in my mind as the situation caught up to me. I screamed as he shook me again, tears hanging off my lashes and parading down my cheeks._

T_TTTT_T_TTT_T_T_T_T_T_T_TT_TTT_T_T_T_

My eyes flew open as the shaking continued, registering a dirty face inches from my own. I opened my mouth to scream again but a hand was roughly slapped over my mouth before I could make a sound.

"Listen here rich boy," a voice near my ear hissed, and I realized then that there was more then just one. From what I could see, there were at least three, not counting the ones behind me that I had no hope of seeing.

"You're gonna give us all your money." the voice hissed in my ear again. I didn't have any money though. I hadn't thought about it when I left. I was too angry to think about anything but leaving then and I was paying for it now.

"Well?" the voice hissed at me again, in something of a whisper. I shook my head, hoping they would get the message and just leave me alone. I didn't really think it would work anyway.

"What, you don't have any money?" I shook my head again.

"Well, that's just too bad." It was a different voice this time. "I guess we'll just have to find a different way to make money off of you." I felt my stomach sink at his words and I couldn't stop myself from wondering what exactly what they had in mind for me.

"They're a couple ways we could do this but I don't think he'd make too good a prostitute, how much you think we could ransom him for?" Well, there was my answer. I could feel the panic working it's way through my body. I was scared, really scared. I didn't want to know what these people were going to do to me. I was vaguely aware of them discussing prices in the background, tuning them out in favor of my panic attack.

A sharp screeching noise met my ears and I looked up, past the thugs standing in front of me, also looking up. An odd shaped car careened off the road, heading straight for the mouth of the alley in which we were standing.

Several of the thugs behind me gravitated towards the car, a limo, to assess the threat. The sleek black door glided open smoothly, boot clad feet slipping out to touch the ground. Legs, to skinny to belong to guy, followed, a deep red coat billowing around the woman's ankles as she stepped fully out of the car.

No, not a woman, a girl. She couldn't have been any older than me at most. Honey hair cascaded down her back in a braid, and there was a fierce look in her chocolate orbs. She stood facing the thugs head on, hands on her hips, face scrunched into a nasty glare. It wasn't to hard to tell she was used to getting her way.

One of the men stepped even farther ahead, standing directly in front of the girl, drawing himself up to his full height in order to intimidate her. She didn't look very intimidated.

The man looked taken aback when she didn't back down. A sneer curled his dirt streaked face as he tried a different approach.

"Whatd'ya want girlie?" he bit, glaring at the girl still stood resolutely in front of him.

"Him" she said, pointing a slim finger at me. Her voice was firm and clear when she spoke, demanding respect and commanding her orders be carried out on the spot.

"Oh yeah, and what're you gonna do to get him?" The man standing in front of her inquired, his friends stepping closer too.

She smiled devilishly and brought her hands up in front of her, clapping twice in quick succession before calling out in a somewhat sing song voice, "Murry!"

I watched in awe as the drivers door opened, and out stepped a man at least twice my size. And he was holding a gun. The men must have spotted the gun too because they froze up, eyes wide as the man, Murry, came around the back of the car to stand beside the girl.

The thugs backed away as Murry walked forward at the girls command. He scooped me up in his arms, the action made me stomach lurch violently and cocked the gun, still pointed at my attackers. They turned tail and ran.

Murry turned back to the car, and the girl waved him over with her hand, already climbing in the car. He set me into the next to her as she scooted over to make room and shut my door after I was settled.

I watched the girl with wide eyes as she smiled happily smiled at me, her commanding demeanor completely forgotten. I opened my mouth to ask the many questions burning tracks through my mind. The car lurched into motion then, my stomach lurching with it, questions forgotten as I tried and failed to stave off the sickness churning my gut. Throwing my head out the, thankfully, open window in time to empty what little was left in my stomach onto the already filthy ground.

The girl 'Hmm'd' as I pulled my head back into the window, handing me a tissue to wipe my mouth with. I nodded my thanks, remembering my questions.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked.

"Hospital." She answered rather curtly.

"What? Why?"

"Because you're sick and hurt" she answered in the same curt tone as before.

"I am not"

"You are"

"No I'm no-"

"What's your name?"

"huh? Oh, um…" Should I tell her? Well, what harm could it do really? I was already completely at her mercy. "Kaoru"

She smiled pleasantly at me, her chocolate eyes sparkling. "It's nice to meet you Kaoru. I'm Renge."

T_T_T_T_T_T_T_TT_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T

"I'm what?" The shriek ripped its way out of my throat, making it ache, but I couldn't care less at the moment. I was only concerned with pounding the stupid doctor senseless. How dumb could he be?

"Pregnant, sir. You're pregnant." He stated again, not even paying attention to me as he cast wary glances at Murry standing in the corner, next to a very upbeat looking Renge.

"No. no, no, no. You must have done something wrong. There is No Way, I could be pregnant. I'm a guy!" I argued, shaking my head vigorously back and forth, drawing a dizzy feeling to the surface.

"A hermaphrodite, actually." The doctor responded absent mindedly, not even bothering to look at me.

"A what?" I asked, glaring at the doctor, attempting to holes into his face.

"A hermaphrodite is a human being with both female and male reproductive organs." the doctor explained, finally turning hi beady eyes toward me. I stared at him, not quite comprehending what he had just said. Someone cleared their throat, catching the doctors attention. I heard Renge's voice, polite and calm. How she could calm when I was over here internally screaming my head off was beyond my comprehension at the moment.

She asked the doctor to leave, sending Murry out to guard the door. She took my face into her hands, directing my eyes towards her. Her brown eyes were soft, her voice beyond gentle, as if she were afraid I might break.

"Kaoru, breathe, okay?" she whispered and I nodded. I couldn't help but agree with her. She was very convincing when she wanted to be.

"Your okay right?" Her voice was still gentle and I nodded again, though we both knew it was a lie. I was balanced precariously on the edge. Her next question sent me toppling.

"Will you tell me who the father is?" My eyes widened at her seemingly innocent question. I shook my head no, quickly.

"Please?" I shook my head, again.

"Why?" I shrugged, turning my eyes from her pleading chocolate orbs.

"Do you know him?" I nodded reluctantly this time, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth. Her questions were getting harder, her voice more forceful.

"Was it rape?" The question caught me off guard. My breath hitched.

"I- I …" I stuttered, not able to find any words. My throat felt as if it were swelling shut, breathing becoming an excruciating. Delicate hands landed on my shoulder, squeezing comfortingly.

"Tell me Kaoru. You can trust me." I met Renge's eyes, my own brimming with tears. I struggled to take a deep breath, reluctant to say anything.

"I-in my… my mind, it was." I ground out, staring intently at the ground.

"What does that mean?" the confusion was clear in her voice but I dreaded explaining it further.

"I- asked him to, but - afterwards I felt bad. I felt dirty. I didn't want to face what I had done, so I guess I - made myself believe it was rape because I wanted it to be."

"Oh, Kaoru." her voice was laced with sympathy, but I knew I didn't deserve it.

"I was just hiding from the truth of what I'd done, I guess." The truth of my statement hit me hard and I deflated greatly, my shoulders slumping, tears spilling down my cheeks.

"Kaoru," She caught my chin between her thumb and fore finger, pulling my face up, my eyes meeting hers. Her eyes held nothing but concern. Concern for me. "Tell me who he is, please."

Can I trust her? Yes, I can trust her. With anything.

"Nekozawa"


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm sorry, who?"

My ears were ringing, my heart hammering. My head was pounding an excruciating rhythm against my consciousness. As if punishing me for not remembering. What was there to remember though? I didn't know.

The answer was there in front of me. Just out of reach, and whenever my fingers would even come close to brushing it, it would slip away again. Dancing just out of my grasp. I needed to remember, but I can't. I keep trying and trying but I just can't remember. My head hurts.

A sudden, sharp whoosh of air alerts me to someone's quick steps. I look up, my gaze meeting angry violet orbs. I lose sight of those eyes though when my head snaps jerkily to the side. My cheek stings and I bring my hand up to tenderly cup the abused skin meeting Tamaki's eyes again.

He slapped me? Tamaki slapped me? What the hell? I find my feet quickly, staring angrily up at the slightly taller blonde.

"What the hell Tamaki?" My voice is loud. Too loud.

"You idiot! Don't play games! It's not funny!" he screeched, taking a fist full of my collar into his hand, drawing me forward, hissing angry words into my ears. Words that seemed to shatter the world. "Kaoru is your brother!"

It hit me, a sharp slap in the face. What I couldn't remember. Because I didn't want to remember, because it's all my fault. My fault that my brother's gone. My fault that he's hurt, alone, and maybe even dead.

The tears stung my eye as they washed down my cheeks, blurring my vision. I looked up into deep purple eyes and the tears seemed to flood down my cheeks. Tamaki was blaming me, I was blaming myself. I tore my gaze away from him, hating the sympathetic but accusing stare.

All around the room, they were staring at me, accusing me, blaming me sentencing me, and I knew I deserved it. My fault. It was my fault. I was to blame. I said those nasty things to my brother, I drove him away. I killed him. I killed Kaoru.

"Kaoru!" the cry tore itself from my lungs, ringing loudly in the silence of the room, shocking me back to reality. I have to find Kaoru, I need him. I've always needed him.

Someone lays a comforting hand and my shoulder. I crane my neck for a glimpse of their face and meet the gaze of calm brown orbs. Haruhi. It's her fault. It's all her fault. She enticed me, me she made me ignore Kaoru. It was because of her that I never realized we were drifting apart until it was too late. Damn her.

Why'd she ever come here? Why'd she have to ruin my life? It's all her fault! I hate her! I spun to face, my eyebrows set firmly in a glare. I tried, and failed, to burn a hole through her with my stare. I tried to tell her just how much I hated her through my gaze. She shrunk back, as if she'd been slapped. I sneered at her, straining not to yell, to scream. She opened her mouth to say something, but whatever it is, I didn't hear it.

I was already out the door, the yells and shouts of the others in the club trailing after me, a vicious hound on my heels, forcing me to run faster. I had to get away. I had to find Kaoru! I pushed the heavy front doors out of my way as I barreled outside.

I ran, ignoring the burning in my lungs. Ignoring the pain in my legs, the fog in my head and the constant buzzing in my pocket. I ran through all parts of town, never stopping. I pushed the people in my way to the ground not caring who they were, not hearing the curses thrown at me back. They couldn't make me feel any worse than I already did. I have no inkling of how long I ran, how far or where I was, not that it mattered in the least. I stopped running and, panting and sweating, I collapsed, landing heavily on my knees. I stopped running and I broke. My mind, my will, and my heart. All broken. All dead. Just like Kaoru.

I wanted to die. I'd killed my brother. He was dead, because of me, because I couldn't find him. I'd driven him away, and now he was gone, out of my life. Forever. Even if I searched for as long as I lived, I wouldn't be able to find him. I was only one person. I'd need an army to find my brother. An army….. Kyoya had an army! He would help me, he'd want to help. He'd have to help me. Tamaki wouldn't let him say no. Tamaki. This is partly his fault too. If he'd only let Kaoru tell me they were together, I wouldn't have blown up at him. Maybe. I shook my head, trying to shake away the thoughts of murdering the blonde idiot. Those could wait till later, priority number one was finding Kaoru.

STORYTIME_STORYTIME_STORYTIME_STORYTIME_STORYTIME_STORYTIME

A sleek black limo was pulled up in front of Kyoya's mansion. As I got closer I got a better look at the limo, and the old man leaning out the window with smoke trailing from his nostrils, burning cigarette in hand. That was Tamaki's driver. Why was Tamaki here? I hurried past the sour looking old man, worry gnawing hungrily at my insides, slowly driving me even madder than I currently was.

I walked up the steps to elegant porch adorning most of the front of the Ootori house, my gait unsteady, clearly displaying my nervousness. I hesitated at the door, rethinking my decision, over and over again, the argument running circles in my mind. I rapped my knuckles on the door twice, hard enough to make a solid sound. I drew my hand back to my chest quickly, as if I'd been burned. Why had I ever thought that Kyoya would help? What reason would he have to help me find my brother? It's not as if we were best friends, and if Tamaki was here that lessened my chances even more.

I could hear the quite clicks of heels on the other side of the door, indicating that someone was coming. What was I supposed to do? I thought about running but that was quickly crumpled and tossed into my mental wastebasket. Kaoru was more important than my fears.

The door swung open in front of me, a head of dark hair being the first thing that entered my view. The maid was maybe a head shorter than me and it was very annoying to have to look down at her. I hoped I wouldn't have to talk to her long.

"Can I help you?" her voice was squeaky, and grated on my already thin nerves. I took a deep breath, before looking at the small woman and forcing a smile. "I'm hear to see Kyoya. May I come in?" I was hoping my voice didn't sound too sarcastic, I really did need to see Kyoya. She bit her painted pinked lip, as if thinking over my question. It really wasn't a hard one, was it?

"Well, master Kyoya is in his room, but I don't really know if you should…." She trailed off, still biting her lip. Her eyes kept darting from me to somewhere back in the house and I got the impression she was impatient to get back to whatever the hell it is that she was doing before I showed up. I smiled again.

"It's alright, I only need to pop in there for a second and then I'll be gone. I really just need to ask Kyoya something, he's the only one that can help me." Not a total lie.

"Well, alright but make it quick" and with that she was hurrying off towards the thing she was so eager to get back to. Whatever.

I hurried down the hall, making my way down the hall to Kyoya's room, already phrasing just what I would say to him. I made it to Kyoya's door without meeting anyone and was about to push my way in when I heard a familiar voice echoing angrily from inside.

"You can't!" Tamaki?

"And why not?" that was Kyoya. What are they arguing about?

"Because he's better off without him and you know it!"

"There's no need to yell Tamaki. I never said I was going to actually help, I said he was going to ask me to." Were they talking about….. About me?

"Well it doesn't matter, you can't help him. Kaoru's better off without him. He didn't even realize Kaoru was gone! He's selfish and spoiled and Kaoru doesn't need to be reminded of ….. That, every day!" Tamaki had spat the word 'that' like it was filthy, not fit to be touched with a ten foot pole. And why the fuck were they talking about me and Kaoru. Tamaki doesn't know anything, it's his fault I snapped at Kaoru anyway.

"I understand your point, Hikaru is very selfish and if I do say so myself, blind, to have not been able to see Kaoru's feelings by now. Everyone else in the host club could see Kaoru was clearly withdrawn and depressed. Except Hikaru. Tamaki, what was wrong with Kaoru? You know, don't you?"

Something wrong with Kaoru. No, I would have seen that, but when we were fighting last night, he did seem really upset. Did I really miss that much? I pressed my ear to the door, wondering if Tamaki really did know what was wrong with Kaoru.

"W-what? No, I-I really don't. How -why would I know that?"

"Tamaki, you know I won't say anything and if you don't tell me I won't have the full story, and if I don't have the full story I just might be persuaded to help Hikaru find his broth-"

"No! you can't do that! You can't be that cruel Kyoya! You can't hurt Kaoru like that again. It's best if he can just forget this life. Forget Ouran, and the host club, and especially Hikaru. Not that it matters. If Hikaru actually cared than Kaoru would have been able to tell him that he'd been raped! He wouldn't have tried so hard to hide it!"

W-what? Raped? No, not Kaoru. Tamaki kept talking but now the words were fuzzy, as if I were hearing them through straw. Kaoru was…. But he couldn't be, he was my brother. That couldn't happen to him. But it did. And he didn't tell me. Because I'm a horrible brother. I have to find him. I have to make this right. Something wet dripped onto my rough, chapped lips and realized I was crying. I took a shuddering sigh, turning away from Kyoya's room and back the way I came. Wiping the tears still desperately clinging to my face with the back of my sleeve I hurried out into the dark.

Ignoring the wind biting into my back, and the emotions nipping at my heels, I ran. Thought after thought struck me as my feet pounded the asphalt of the dirt darkened road. Though I could only understand a few.

I love him. I'm in love with my brother. I have to find Kaoru.

**Sorry about not updating in forever but school sucks, so, yeah. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter 'cause it took a long, long time to write. Oh, and in the next chapter it's going to be set ahead about seven months, so next chapter we get to see a very pregnant Kaoru.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Next chapter is the last. I really hope you guys have liked the story so far!**

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"Hm…. Green apple? Or red apple?" I scrutinized the fruits in my hand carefully, holding them up to the light and rubbing my thumb over specks of dust garnishing the smooth and shiny skin. I probably looked like an idiot but I couldn't care. I smiled to the fruit stand vendor who was waiting patiently with a smile like she always did. I put the green apple down and paid her for the red, nodding my thanks before continuing down the street.

I brought the apple to my mouth breathing onto it and rubbing it on my shoulder before taking a bite, savoring the crunch and the sweet juice. I loved apples. And most fruit. And vegetables. And cupcakes. Cupcakes aren't fruit, though. Weird. I grinned at my thoughts, resting one of my hands on my swollen stomach and tilting my face towards the sun, enjoying the warm rays playing

"Kaoru!" the two little girls who had called me glued themselves to my legs before I had a chance to blink. The force of their surprise glomp almost knocked me off my already unsteady feet. It did make me lose my grip on my apple, which tumbled to the floor and rolled away. I didn't give it a second glance. I laughed and bent down to hug them as best I could. They peeled themselves off my legs as their mother came jogging up the street, her hand resting on her baby bump, a blush staining her cheeks from the exertion.

She smiled at she grabbed her daughters hands again. "Hi Kaoru." she looked at my stomach sizing it up with her gaze. "You look about ready to pop any second."

I smiled back at her, ruffling the taller girl's hair. "Sure feels like it. I'm kinda glad this is almost over. Been hell on my back, ya' know?"

She laughed, rubbing her stomach affectionately. "Yeah, I know the feeling. So, thought of any names?"

"Yeah, I was thinking Miaka or Yuuki or maybe Toru or Kazuki. Those are the four I liked the best."

"Those are beautiful!" She gushed, taking my hand in hers and squeezing. I squeezed her hand back.

"What about you Tomomi? Any names sound particulary fitting for your new baby boy?" I asked, batting my lashes, and clasping my, now freed, fingers together over my heart.

She only laughed before answering my question in a quite contemplative tone. "Well, Matsato and I were thinking of naming him Kiyoshi. Oh Kaoru, why don't you want to know the babies gender?" She whined, her daughters giggling at their mother's behavior.

"Because, I want it to be a surprise" I whined back. "I don't think I'll ever understand why you and Renge have to constantly badger me about that."

"How is Renge? Is she doing alright. Nobody's bothering you two right because you know if they are that I'll get Matsato to-"

"No no Tomomi, no body's bothering us. I swear. And Renge's fine, but I probably should get back before she starts worrying that I got kidnapped or something else equally as crazy." I laughed, patting the phone in my pocket, wondering when it would start ringing because it was sure to soon.

"Oh alright," she sighed. She grabbed her daughters' hands and started of down the street, but not before turning and shouting, "Goodbye Kaoru! And tell Renge I said hello, alright?" this was as usual followed by the chorus of good bye's from her two young daughters. I waved to them until they were out of site. As soon as I could no longer hear the faint good bye's of my adopted family I turned on my heel and headed down the street to my, well, Renge's enormous house. I whistled merrily as I walked, waving to those who shouted or waved their hello to me. The way it always happens.

I took one look at my empty hand and considered going back for another apple, but no. as mush as I love apples it's not that important. I stuffed my hands into my sweater pockets, not even entertaining the thought that I could get them in my jeans pockets. I licked my lips, getting ready to start whistling again when a flash of blonde caught my eye. I turned my head and caught sight of what appeared to be Tamaki entering Old Mr. Toshi's store. I swear I really did do my best just to turn and walk away but I just couldn't.

I walked nonchalantly to the front door of the store, peeking in through the large window right next to it. I cupped my hands around my eyes, trying to block out some of the sunlight. All I could see was the back of a tall blonde person's head. I couldn't tell if it was Tamaki or not. Crap. I would have to get closer. I lumbered up the front steps, opening the door, cursing the quite tinkling of the bell, and slipping in. I returned Old Mr. Toshi's smile before slipping down one of the aisles.

I walked down a few different aisles, trying to get a look at the blonde stranger but never being able to. I moved over another aisle, ducking as the stranger looked over here. I gave it a few seconds before I carefully peeked over the edge of the shelf. The stranger was gone. Thinking maybe he had moved to where I couldn't easily see him I stood up on my tippy-toes. Straining to peek over the shelves, leaning heavily on the metal stand, my extended belly brushing whatever was stacked there. I was completely unprepared for what happened next.

"Kaoru?" The proximity of the voice made me jump and I lost my precarious footing, falling back, my arms flailing wildly. I braced myself for the impact but it never came. Instead I was enveloped in two strong, warm arms. The person who had previously just scared the shit outta me set me neatly on my feet. I looked up at my 'savior' coming face to face with way to familiar violet orbs. Shit.

"Kaoru? That is you!" Tamaki exclaimed. I didn't have time to respond before I was being swept off my feet and twirled in a bone crushing hug. If Tamaki didn't stop spinning me when he had, I might've just puked on him. He was blabbering away but I was to busy sorting through the dizzy plaguing my thoughts to actually care.

"I can't believe it's you Kaoru! I mean we were so worried1 we didn't know what had happened to you and God, Kaoru I was so scared. I thought what if something bad happened to you! Like, what if you were mugged, or kidnapped or murdered or raped or-" He promptly slapped both of his hands across his mouth and it took me a minute to figure out why.

"It's fine Tamaki." I sighed. I was trying to calm him down but I guess it backfired on me. He only got more upset.

"I'm so sorry Kaoru! I didn't mean it, it just slipped. I'm so sorry! I really didn't-" this time I was the one to slap a hand over his mouth.

"It's fine Tamaki, really."

"but it's not fine. I so insensitively brought up something traumatic from your past!" He wailed, heading for the corner. I grabbed his wrist, pulling him back. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

"It's fine Tamaki. You didn't upset me or offend or send me into shock, okay? I'm fine. If you come back to the house with me I'll explain everything, alright? Now will you stop it?" I waited for him to start wailing again, but it didn't come. Neither did an answer. I peeked open an eye to find the blonde baka gaping at me.

"What?" I snapped, a little more harshly than I meant to but it didn't seem to affect Tamaki. He never stopped gaping at me. Even as he answered my question.

"Kaoru…. You're so… so," I rolled my eyes. He was staring at my bloated stomach. Figures. Now he notices. "Fat!"

"What!"

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"So, that's the whole story." I conclude, taking a swig of the water sitting on the end table. Tamaki took the ice pack away from his lips, which was still bleeding, might I add. Score one for Kaoru.

"Wow." Was all that he could come up with? Wow? I had just poured my heart and soul out for him and all I get for my troubles is a measly wow. Jerk. I stuck my lip out in a pout, fighting the damned tears. Stupid hormones. Tamaki 'owwed' loudly as Renge's fist connected with the back of his head.

"You made Kaoru cry!" She screeched into Tamaki's ear, which made me laugh. And pity him. That wasn't pleasant after all.

"So, Tamaki, not that I'm not happy to see you but why are you here? And where is everyone else?"

"I'm here because this is where we agreed to take our vacation. All the other hosts will be arriving tomorrow." he stated matter-of-factly, crossing his arms in front of his chest and promptly ignoring a fuming Renge. Every one else would be here tomorrow. That… that meant Hikaru… would be here tomorrow. My heart felt like it was trying to beat out of my chest, my brain like it would melt out my nose.

I didn't really comprehend Tamaki's words as he stretched and headed out. Something about calling the others and telling them he had found me. I didn't care. My brain was still stuck on Hikaru and couldn't decide if the this new information was good or not. My vision swam and my head somersaulted as an intense pain ripped it's way through my gut and out my throat in the form of a retched scream.

I curled in on myself, whimpering as the pain passed. I ignored Renge's fluttering hands, thinking only of that intense pain. I had an idea of what it was, but I hoped I was wrong. I wasn't ready to be a dad. I was only sixteen. My thoughts were cut short though as another, more intense pain ripped through me and I passed out.

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"Kaoru, Kaoru wake up!" The voice was frantic. The pinching sensation stinging my cheeks was getting annoying. I was sleeping, why did they have to wake me up? I slapped at the hands and yelped when the hands slapped back, my eyes springing wide, coming face to face with an angry Renge. "Wake up Kaoru. You need to be awake for this." she commanded, moving from my field of vision so I could see the flimsy blue cloth adorning my stomach and the red stains adorning that.

The doctors had cut me open and were working inside me. I wanted to be sick. But before I could lean over the side of the rather uncomfortable hospital bed and throw up, a loud crying filled the room.

"It's a boy!" The doctor shouted, handing off the baby to the nurse, who wrapped him in a blanket and handed him to me. I cradled the little bundle close, cooing at him, Renge leaning in for a better look. Ignoring the very wrong and disturbing feeling of probing hands inside my body, I focused instead on the baby in my arms. My son. Beautiful words. Ones I would cherish forever.

His blonde hair was stained with blood but even through the dark red you could see how bright and soft it was. His father's hair. But my eyes. Hikaru's eyes. Damnit.

I wonder what his sibling will look like. It was still hard to grasp the fact I was having twins, even if I had known for months. I stuck my little finger into the palm of his hand and laughed as he gripped it.

"A girl!" the doctor shouted and I listened eagerly for my daughter. But no cries came. I looked up into a terrible scene. My little girl was being carted away by several doctors and nurses. I turned to the doctor who had begun sewing up my tattered belly for answers. He merely shook his head. I looked to Renge who looked ready to cry. Same as me.

It seemed like forever before a doctor came back with a little pink bundle of blankets tucked into the crook of his arm. For a moment, I got to believe my daughter was fine. Only for a second, before my hope was cruelly torn down by two simple words.

"I'm sorry." that was all the doctor said. I handed my son to Renge, taking my daughter from him. Her red hair was stuck to her forehead her honey eyes open wide in a mock stare of the world she would never see. I let the tears fall. and I could hear Renge write beside me crying as well. And the gasps of shock as the rest of the host club shuffled into my room.

I looked up at the small group of my friends, searching for my brother. He wasn't there. Swallowing the tears I asked Tamaki about him. I didn't like the answer.

"Kaoru… they- they think Hikaru's dead. That he… killed him self." The older boy looked at me worriedly, his look mirrored onto the faces of the rest of my friends. I think all I offered them was a blank stare.

"Two. That's two people that I love that have left me. We're where twins but I guess that didn't matter enough. He didn't love me enough. Just like these two." The last sentence was whispered. I stared down at my daughter who stared back at me with big, glassy eyes. "Maybe we just weren't meant to be twins."

My musings were interrupted by a loud shout from outside and several thumps. A frazzled nurse pushed through the door, mumbling to herself. She looked sadly at me, asking for my son's name. Kazuki Hitachiin. She asked me if I wanted to name my daughter as well. I said yes.

"What's her name then?" her voice was kind but it didn't lessen my pain so I can't imagine why she bothered at all.

"Yuuki Hitachiin." She nodded at me before placing the clipboard under her arm, slipping the dead baby from my grasp and walking out. I could feel the tears starting to leak over again and quickly reached for Kazuki. I hugged him close to my chest and the others in the room all hugged me as I said my goodbyes to my daughter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ah gomen, gomen! Though, I update late so often that by now I probably don't deserve anything close to forgiveness anymore. I'm really, really sorry anyway.**

**000**

My feet dragged tiredly. Because I was tired. That was the only word I could think of to describe how I was feeling. Tired. Tired feet, tired eyes, tired mind and tired soul. Just…. just tired. The sun was warming my back an uncomfortable amount, and I squirmed under the unwanted heat. I stepped nimbly to the side, not bothering to stop walking as a few young children darted past me. Their ringing laughter filled my ears and their happiness hung in the air.

It made me sick. Why should they get to be happy when my life was shit. But then, that's why I was here, wasn't it? To fix my crappy life. To beg and grovel for my brothers forgiveness. To get him to come back, so we could be twins again. I had followed the host club here because I'm positive that Tamaki, the idiot king, knows were Kaoru is, and I have to find him.

But… but what if he didn't want me to find him. What if he was well and truly better off without me. What if he didn't need me anymore? What if he had a boyfriend, or girlfriend I guess. Then what? I don't think I could live if Kaoru didn't want me anymore, No, of course he'd want me still. We're twins right. He has to want me, he has to need me. I hope.

My feet dragged, kicking up gravel and dirt, scratching and scuffing, distracting me, but not completely. I wonder just what Kaoru's has been up to, if he was okay? If he had seen Nekozawa again. Nekozawa, that bastard. I hated him, after all he had put my brother and I through, I can't stand the prick. After I had found out about Koaru's…. ordeal, it hadn't been hard to piece the rest together. Kaoru would flinch at the mere mention of his name.

So, I did what any goo- decent brother would do. I went to beat the crap out of him.

**OSOS**

_My fist pounded the door, harder and louder than necessary but damn did it feel good. Just to hit something. If only it was that creep's face. That would have made it so much better, so much sweeter. I heard the footsteps on the other side of the door, but I didn't stop pounding, not until I heard the faint click of the knob being turned. _

"_Hello?" Nekozawa asked, opening the door only slightly, hiding behind the wooden shield like the coward he was. I gave him no greeting and no chance to explain his vile actions as I kicked the door with all the force I could possibly muster. The thick oak barreled into him, knocking him off balance, forcing the wind from his lungs._

_No way I was gonna let him recover either. I charged through the open door way, swinging my fist into his face, relishing the crunching noise my efforts received. He fell, landing heavily on his side, the thud echoing the room. He pressed his hand tightly to his nose, to stem the flow of blood from his broken nose._

"_H-Hikaru! What are you doing?" He asked hysterically. No answer and I was on him in seconds. Punching, kicking, hitting, and screaming incoherent things. Things about Kaoru. About what he did to my little brother. At my screamed accusations, all the fight seemed to have left him, and he lay still, staring up at me as if I was insane._

"_What are you talking about Hikaru?" He shrieked at me, shoving me off and standing quickly, wiping at the blood dribbling from his nose._

"_You!" I shrilled back, voice higher than it should really go. "You raped my brother, you sick bastard!" I lunged again, but he swept my blow aside this time. My element of surprise was gone._

"_What the hell are you talking about Hikaru? Have the demons of the great Belzenef consumed you? I never raped Kaoru, it was consensual. Completely consensual." That made me pause. Kaoru had said he was raped, but then, he really didn't look it. He hadn't liked to be touched but…. But that was…. out of guilt. That was the unnamed emotion that swam in his honey orbs. He felt guilty, for sleeping with Nekozawa._

_I didn't want to believe it but there it was, staring me in the face. Kaoru had lied about being raped. But still, Nekozawa had slept with my baby brother. And that was as good a reason to kick his ass as any. I swung at him again but he caught my fist in his slightly larger hand. He had a look of utter annoyance on his face._

"_You slept with Kaoru!" I accused, trying to free my hand. His look of annoyance turned to one of smug satisfaction. He squeezed my hand tighter and I grunted in pain._

"_Yeah," he drawled "I did. He was a pretty good lay, too. Not the best mind you, but still pretty damn good." I saw red, his nasty comment about my __**baby brother **__throwing me over the edge. I kicked before I really thought and hit him where it hurt. He doubled over, gripping himself with both hands, freeing mine and I elbowed him in the back on the head. _

_He fell to his knees with a grunt of pain. I sneered at him, a pathetic sight he made too. I tossed and irritated, more like furious 'asshole' down to him, before stomping to the door. I almost missed the whispered plea thrown at my back. The words almost making me rethink all that had gone on in those few minutes. Almost._

"_Please… take care of him Hikaru."_

**OSOS**

I shivered, wrapping my arms around my torso to fight off the cold that had permeated the air, chilling me. That was how I ended up here, in this tiny town on the outside of the city we had grown up in. Why I thought Kaoru would end up here, I had no clue. It was nothing more than feeling, an instinct pulling me here. A twin thing, I guess, but I was almost positive Kaoru was here. I just had no idea where. So I walked, letting my feet carry me where they may.

I walked, and walked, and walked, and ended up outside of a tall, multi-story building. A hospital. Why was here? Why not? I had no answers, no reason as to what I was doing, wandering with no idea of where I was headed. Why not go in and warm up? Which is exactly what I did. Stepping through the automatic doors I caught a glimpse of a too-familiar-looking head of blond. It couldn't be…. Could it?

I followed the blond on whim, a desperate hope that had no basis, rounding the corner he( or she, I suppose) had just moments before.

"Hurry Tama-chan!" A very familiar voice called out to the blond boy(definitely a boy) with his back to me, racing towards the end of the hall. It was Hunny-sempai's voice. But… did that mean…?

I tore down the hallway as fast as I was able but stayed far enough back to not be noticed. I turned the corner and almost ran smack into Tamaki. I stopped on the balls of my feet, just barely managing to avoid the collision, stepping back behind the corner I quieted my breathing to listen.

"So, it's really happening?" It was clear to everyone just how excited Hunny was, the emotion dripping from his voice.

"No Hunny-sempai," Haruhi chimed, her sarcasm just as clear as Hunny's fervor, "We're just here for the great food. Why else would we come here?"

"Ooh! Do you think they have cake?" Hunny asked, his enthusiasm gaining even more momentum at the mention of possible sweets. Haruhi's sarcasm completely lost on him. The only female of the small group of four sighed tiredly before answering in the negative, earning a whine from the short eighteen year old.

The conversation was cut short as the door opened, and a new voiced piped up.

"Are you the family?" The voice was high-pitched, female, and way too damn sugary-sweet. Kyoya piped up first, stopping all the other responses with a affirmation. It was silent for a minute where I assume the woman had nodded, before she ushered them into the room they had been waiting outside of with a quiet 'follow me'.

As soon as I heard the door click shut, I slipped out of my hiding spot and pressed my ear the cheap, ugly might-have-might-not-have-been wood. What I heard next made my blood boil.

"Kaoru… they- they think Hikaru's dead. That he… killed him self." oh they did, did they? Tamaki you asshole, I should walk right through this damned door and beat the crap out of you. But I didn't, because where Tamaki's words made my blood boil the next made my heart shatter. I had been too busy raging to hear all of what had been said, but I caught the tail end of it, and those eight words crushed whatever hope I had that my brother might forgive me.

"Maybe we just weren't meant to be twins."

No. Maybe we weren't. Outside that hospital door, I stood and cried as my friends, my damned _family_ stood inside together, oblivious. Outside that door, I realized I was no more than a nuisance to the life my brother now lived, a life I had no part in.

With my heart sinking down to my stomach I ran, pushing past a nurse, out the door and through to a world I wasn't sure I belonged to anymore. A world so foreign without my brother by my side. My brother who really wasn't my brother anymore. I ran and I cried and I realized just how unfair life really is. I ran and I cried and I vowed solely to my grieving self that I would let Kaoru live his life, without a nuisance in the way.

I promised to myself that Kaoru would never have to see me again. And it's a promise I intend to keep.

**OSOS**

**FIN.**


End file.
